- Lifestyle
New tips to avoid slipping back into old patterns
Caitlin Hornikin New YorkTuesday 25 November 2025 13:23 GMTComments
open image in galleryPeople might be inclined to restart a relationship around the holidays because it ‘feels easier than the unknown,’ one expert noted (Getty/iStock)
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Being home for the holidays might not be all merry and bright.
November and December can be a vulnerable time for people for a variety of reasons, and bring up unresolved trauma or unwanted feelings, especially if returning to a place you have moved away from.
Some people might fall victim to the romanticism of the holidays and get swept up into thinking it's time to rekindle a romance with an ex - otherwise known as a “situationship” - that involves a certain level of intimacy but without firm commitment or definition.
Spoiler alert: It’s probably not a good idea. For starters, psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert noted the “psychological loop” that situationships can create.
“There’s connection, but also uncertainty. That mix can be addictive because the highs feel amplified and the lows are often minimized or rationalized,” Alpert told The Independent.
open image in gallery‘Reach out to friends, schedule activities, or set digital boundaries,’ psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert suggested (Alamy/PA)The holidays are an especially vulnerable time for rekindling these specific dynamics “because nostalgia, loneliness, alcohol, and the general pressure to pair up can distort judgment,” he continued.
Alpert noted several reasons why people might be inclined to restart that type of relationship around the holidays, including leaning into the familiar because it “feels easier than the unknown,” hoping that the magic of the holidays will “revive what never fully worked,” and emotional triggers like questions from family members about relationship status.
To help avoid slipping back into old patterns, the Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days author suggested four tips.
“First, name what the relationship actually was, not what you hoped it would become. Clarity cuts through wishful thinking,” he said.
Anticipating vulnerable moments is another step you can take. “If you know late nights, holiday parties, or downtime make you sentimental, plan for that. Reach out to friends, schedule activities, or set digital boundaries,” Alpert explained.
Removing easy access by silencing triggering text messages or threads — or even temporarily blocking a phone number or social media account — is also a good idea, Alpert said.
“Fourth, create a simple rule for yourself: if someone couldn’t commit to you in the past, the holidays won’t suddenly give them emotional accuracy. Patterns rarely change because the calendar does,” he concluded.
open image in gallery‘Holidays tend to sugar coat that lost love, but snap back to reality. It's not like it is in the movies,’ one expert noted (Getty/iStock)Relationship expert and matchmaker Susan Trombetti agreed, noted that the romanticism of the holidays easily (and frequently) catches people off guard.
“Holidays tend to sugar coat that lost love, but snap back to reality. It's not like it is in the movies,” she said. To prepare, she offered several self-care tips for those looking to prioritize well-being while visiting home.
Trombetti first suggested envisioning certain scenarios (like dealing with a cranky family member or texting an ex-lover) ahead of time and having a plan. This can help avoid doing something you might regret — like sending that text.
She also put a moratorium on drunk texting because “we all make poor decisions when drinking,” and alcohol clouds judgement.
“Make sure you are well rested so that you are on top of your game,” she suggested next. “Remember, when we are sick, depressed, or tired, we all resort to bad habits,” she concluded.
She also recommended journaling, taking outdoor walks, and having a childhood friend to reconnect with for that nostalgia trip to cope with heavy emotions.
Trombetti conceded that the holidays are difficult, but there are ways to avoid embarrassment and starting the new year on a low note.
“Just think of how good and emotionally strong you will feel when you return with the knowledge that you didn't give in to any impulses,” she said.
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