By Lucy NotarantonioShareNewsweek is a Trust Project member"Have you ever been so obsessed with someone that your entire world revolves around them – even when they ignore or hurt you?" asked Professor Ahmed Hankir in a TikTok video.
The psychiatrist explains that an obsessive fixation on one person may not be love at all, but limerence—a symptom sometimes seen in borderline personality disorder (BPD), a condition affecting about 1.6–5.9 percent of U.S. adults, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
Hankir told Newsweek: “Limerence can be one of the most distressing experiences when it appears in the context of BPD because it creates an intense and overwhelming preoccupation with another person.”
His video (@profahmedhankir), which has more than 650,000 views, describes limerence as one of the “least known but most painful” symptoms.
...Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms
NAMI explains that BPD involves severe difficulty regulating emotions, leading to intense mood swings, impulsive behaviour, unstable relationships and a poor self-image. People with BPD often fear abandonment, experience prolonged emotional turmoil, and may engage in self-harm or suicidal behaviour.
What Is Limerence?
According to the British Psychological Society, limerence is an intense, obsessive infatuation with one person, characterised by intrusive thoughts, extreme sensitivity to their behaviour, and mood swings linked to perceived reciprocation. It can dominate daily life for 1.5 to 3 years.
While it may occur in people with BPD, it is not a diagnostic criterion and is not exclusive to the condition.
Hankir told Newsweek: “People often describe feeling powerless, beholden, or psychologically ‘imprisoned’ by their infatuation.
"The emotional dependence, fear of abandonment, and intrusive thoughts can completely dominate a person’s internal world. It is exhausting, destabilizing, and can disrupt every aspect of life — concentration, work, sleep, and relationships.”
In his TikTok examples, he highlights how individuals may crave attention from someone emotionally unavailable, where even the smallest sign of interest “feels euphoric.”
“They become the centre of your universe even if they are dismissive, abusive, or rude,” he said.
Limerence Symptoms
According to Hankir, awareness of limerence varies—some people realise something is wrong because their thoughts become intrusive and unmanageable, while others only recognise it later or when someone points it out.
Signs may include persistent intrusive thoughts about a person, idealizing them, intense anxiety over delayed responses, difficulty focusing, feeling emotionally “addicted,” and experiencing a euphoric high from even small signs of reciprocation. When these feelings become compulsive, uncontrollable, and distressing, Hankir stresses that professional help is important.
Why Does Limerence Occur?
Hankir explained: “Limerence often emerges when someone is desperately seeking emotional security and validation.”
He notes that many people with BPD have a history of childhood abandonment or neglect.
"At an unconscious level, they may attempt to prevent that experience from ever happening again by becoming emotionally fused with someone who represents safety or idealized love.”
Many describe having an “inconsistent or emotionally absent caregiver,” leading them as adults to “unconsciously” recreate this dynamic—chasing someone uninterested in them in an attempt to finally earn the love they lacked as children.
Hankir argues it may be the worst symptom of BPD because sufferers can lose their own sense of identity.
However, not all experts agree.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Tracey King told Newsweek: “I wouldn’t say limerence is the worst emotional experience linked to BPD, partly because emotional pain is deeply individual.”
King added: “Limerence serves a psychological function. For some, intense attachment becomes a way of defining the self when their internal identity feels fragile, offering temporary grounding while reinforcing the abandonment fears they long to escape.”
Borderline Personality Disorder Treatments
“BPD is one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized mental health conditions,” Hankir said.
He explains that a range of therapies can help individuals build a more secure sense of self, reduce emotional reactivity, and develop healthier, more balanced relationships.
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